nostalogic

to be honest i kinda miss my old school days, where everything was like fun. esp year 12..

wag school, muck around in class, lunch go to the train station with a couple of friends and knock in a few puffs, run away from teachers, smash peoples bikes, the sensation of "yea thats right we rule the school" but thats very typical thinking.

not to forget good times in state library and not mentioning the look out of any girls *interesting ones*... know everyone in nb. best of the best, freebies. free bubble tea from one chick, icey ice from another, juice shakes from another, you name it. practially can live there for free maybe spending a dollar or two if we were that stingy.

good times good times.

despised

yet another day has pasted with no differences.

it seems so harsh. my efforts of keeping in contact with her seems bothersome in her perspective. its sort of an ouch. ive wasted so much money for the calls. infact i recharge almost every 2 days, and all i get is a recoil.

what am i supposed to do? slightly in a confused state. i wonder what she's thinking sometimes.

its tough i know. im trying to bare with it. i try not to take things personally, but its my natural instinct to do so. theres like a battle in my mind.

Gym is like my best friend, it keeps my mind away from things like these plus theres some bonuses too which are : i dont bother her (which are my passionate calls) and she wont get annoyed at me either (because she finds my calls annoying somtimes). Bingo. wish i can live in the gym now. golf is my backup but it costs too much to play everyday seriously.

trying to adapt to her satisfaction hurts me, but again gotta endure through it.

sighh.. big sighh........ what more can i do?

dark side.

theres many things i want to say, i just cant. my words i speak cannot express what i feel.
cold and harsh it beats right deep within me..

im mesmerized by my change, i can see i behave different but i cant help it..

wishing to pack my mind in a little box, not needing to worry.

a flower needs air, congesting and suffocate its air, its space.. eventually will wither.

its not easy distracting myself keeping my mind off track..

it keeps beating hard- like a hammer thumping on a nail, digging deeper and deeper piercing the thick stone like shell. set me free from THIS i plead.

endure endure.. yield me.